White Mountain Guide Days 1-9
The first three days were dedicated entirely to me. In planning my second attempt at tracing the whites, I explicitly set up the first three days of hiking to mirror what I had done in 2020; not because I needed to write over the past, but because those days had been so special the first time, I wanted to build on that experience.
Day one began at the boundary between the United States and Canada. In 2020, the border had been closed due to COVID and I was the only car in the parking lot. This time, there were three cars waiting for the border to open when I arrived. I distinctly remember a sense of urgency and anxiety throughout the entirety of my 2020 attempt. Up until my diagnosis, I always felt a need to rush through my hikes for a variety of reasons. But hiking during chemotherapy completely changed how I hike. I had to slow down because of how sick I was and my mindset shifted.
On June 19, 2022, I completed five individual hikes, driving to five separate trailheads all over northern New Hampshire. I crossed roads that were borderline flooded, spent hours walking on trails that are seldom used, and pushed through overgrown single track. And what amazed me from the moment I started this attempt was how resilient the human body is.
I genuinely didn’t think I could recover and return to my pre-cancer strength. I have been nervous about restarting this attempt because I thought I was not in as good of shape as I was back in 2020. Every day since starting over has proven how not only am I almost as strong physically, but mentally I am significantly more capable of tackling this fifteen-month venture.
Day One - 6/19/22
The mist kissed my cheeks as I strapped on my pack and headed towards the US/Canadian border. A cold front had blown in overnight and the trees swayed back and forth as I headed for Fourth Connecticut Lake Trail. From the moment that I got out of my car, I smiled. This time I wanted to take it all in, to go slow and stay present. Last time it was about making miles, this time it’s about the experience. The boundary swarth was more overgrown than two years ago when I walked the gap that carves an imaginary line between the United States and Canada. It weaved and climbed through the undergrowth and I followed. Then I retraced my steps and emerged from the forest renewed, revived, back in my body. I ended my 2020 attempt broken in a million tiny pieces and slowly, over the next fifteen months I will put those pieces back together in whatever way I see fit.
Trails:
4th Connecticut Lake Trail
Falls in The River Trail
Moose Alley Trail
Coot Trail
Bobcat Trail
Garfield Falls Path
Daily Miles: 12.02
Vert: 2412’
Trace: 0% -> 0.5%
This isn’t about rewriting the past. This is a whole new beginning.
Day Two - 6/20/22
Staying present is hard, even now, even after knowing that things will change on this adventure. Even when I know how to stay in the moment after 14 months of active treatment. I spent all day fighting against the uncertainties and anxiety about the next hike. Was I strong enough? Was I too tired? What if I can’t make it to the top? What if I don’t have enough time to accomplish everything I want to accomplish? And you know what? It all worked out, with an unexpected twist. I ended up hiking an additional 3 miles to close out the day with over 5000’ of vertical gain, a number I haven’t obtained since 2020. Despite foregoing Diamond Peaks again (I made this choice in 2020 as well due to mosquitoes), I finished off day two proud of what I accomplished and prepared for the adjustments I would have to make down the road to complete Diamond Peaks.
Trails:
Sugarloaf Trail
Table Rock Trail
Huntington Cascade Trail
Three Brothers Trail
Sanguinary Ridge Trail
Percy Loop Trail
Daily Miles: 12.13
Overall Miles: 24.15
Daily Vert: 5071’
Total Vert: 7483’
Trace: 0.5% -> 1.0%
This whole journey is a practice in staying present and not worrying about the future. It’s about slowing down, while at the same time pushing myself to go faster. It is truly a practice in contradictions, opposite ends of the spectrum.
Day Three - 6/21/22
Each day of hiking is its own entity that deserves my full attention. But it’s hard to remain focused on each day instead of thinking ahead. It’s hard to remain in the moment. But if there is one thing I learned during cancer treatment it’s how to slow down and stay as focused as possible on each day alone. That was how I got through chemotherapy. Today, I worked on slowing down. I focused on taking my time instead of racing to the top of the mountain. I recalled how difficult the first three days were in 2020, when I did the exact same hikes that I just finished, and every day so far I’ve been awestruck that this body is stronger somehow now than it was back then. I’m stronger than before cancer and before cancer I was in the best shape of my life.
Trails:
Percy Loop Trail
Percy Peaks Trail
Trio Trail
Pond Brook Falls Trail
South Percy Summit
Daily Miles: 10.94
Overall Miles: 35.09
Daily Vert: 2963’
Overall Vert: 10,446’
Trace: 1.0% -> 1.4%
It’s not a sprint, it’s an ultramarathon.
Day Four - 6/23/22
My trail name is Socked In and the conditions on Mount Washington today were what I would often get on a hike back in 2017-2018. Despite the weather report saying it was supposed to be sunny with a few clouds on Washington, a heavy blanket of white covered the summit cone as well as the majority of the trail leading to the top. It was windy and cool, and the trail was pristine. At the top I was given the most incredible opportunity to meet and hold the summit cat, Nimbus. Today gave me a huge confidence boost. I felt strong and that isn’t something that I’ve felt since August 2020.
Trails:
Jewell Link
Jewell Trail
Boundary Line
Gulfside Trail
Trinity Heights Connector
Crawford Path
Westside Trail
Daily Miles: 11.85
Overall Miles: 46.94
Daily Vert: 4459’
Overall Vert: 14,905’
Trace: 1.4% -> 2.0%
NEHH: 1/100
It’s amazing how much easier hiking is when you’re not getting chemotherapy or radiation.
Day Five - 6/25/22
850’ of climbing in .6 miles. And you know what? I could do it! For a year and a half I struggled. I felt weak. So weak. But was it because I was weak? Or was it partially because I thought I should be weak? Was it in my mind? Today felt like I was normal again. Like hiking up a really steep trail wasn’t the hardest thing in the world for me. My body may not be small, or muscular. I may go slow, but I finish what I set out to do. When I hiked during chemotherapy I was forced to slow down because of how sick I was. And while I was forced to slow down, I learned that all that really matters is that you keep going. I would tell myself, you don’t have to go fast, you just have to keep going. Pace yourself. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. You don’t have to go fast, you just have to keep going. So that’s what I do now.
Trails:
Tuckerman Ravine Trail
Hermit Lake Campsite
Boott Spur Link
Boott Spur Trail
Boott Spur Summit
Davis Path
Lawn Cutoff
Daily Miles: 7.97
Overall Miles: 54.91
Daily Vert: 3618’
Trace: 2.0% -> 2.4%
Perhaps I’ll never be a 3mph elapsed time hiker, but as long as I don’t have to hike while undergoing cancer treatment again I will happily be a 2mph elapsed time hiker.
Day Six - 6/27/22
The last time I hiked this route was 9/8/20. It was a week after I found out I would need chemotherapy. While I walked this trail, I told Monique I had cancer and had a conversation with my nana trying to explain to her that I had cancer. She didn’t understand and it frustrated the heck out of me. This hike was harder mentally than physically, because of the memories it brings with it. And those memories are allowed to exist, but today was not about them. It was about hiking fast in a consistent rain. It was about the visceral smell of wet soil. Today brought back memories of catching newts as a child and banging on a metal rod shoved into the soil to imitate the sound of rain, driving hundreds of night crawlers to the surface with my brother. It was hard and beautiful and I don’t think I’ve ever been so wet while hiking in my life.
Daily Miles: 9.55
Overall Miles: 64.46
Daily Vert: 2404’
Overall Vert: 20,927’
Trace: 2.4% -> 2.9%
Trails:
The Link
Amphibrach
Cliffway
Monoway
Ladderback
King Ravine Trail
Lowes Path
Today I remembered summers filled with blissful innocence and despite the rain, I smiled.
Day Seven - 6/28/22
When I left my career as a Special Educator in June 2020 it was to start what I considered my dream of attempting to hike all the trails in The Whites in a year and my new career as a writer. Everything was supposed to be starting over for me, in the best way. And when I started working on my hikes that summer, I felt incredibly disconnected, rushed, and unable to stay in the moment. To really acknowledge that I was living my dream, not working towards living it. I’ve been waiting to restart the dream since August 2020 and in the meantime, I learned life lessons that you can’t possibly learn unless you go through what I went through. On my hike today it hit me. I am living my dream now. I’m not filling time until it is a reality, or putting in the work as a cancer patient. My dream is a reality finally and this time around, I have been more than present and unfathomably grateful for every single moment because I know what I went through to get here, and I know how quickly all of this can be stripped away. Today was amazing.
Daily Miles: 13.34
Overall Miles: 77.80
Daily Vert: 3846’
Overall Vert: 24,773’
Trace: 2.9% -> 3.5%
Trail:
Algonquin Trail
Guinea Pond Trail
Mead Trail
Wentworth Trail
Bearcamp River Trail
When you know how much you have to lose, and how quickly you can lose it all, you learn how to appreciate everything you have that much more.
Day Eight - 6/30/22
Today started off rough. I didn’t feel good at all. But I had to hike, so I pushed forward and kept reminding myself that I only had to do 7 miles. Then, out of nowhere, as I approached the intersection of The Link and Israel Ridge Path, I saw a person’s sleeping bag just sitting there on the side of the trail. Doing a little more investigating, I realized that it was clear someone had spent some time there, trying to get warm, before (hopefully) heading the remainder of the way to the trailhead. I spent the rest of the hike wondering what happened and being a bit creeped out by the strange array of items this person had left. I never did find out what happened or if the person was ok, but I want to believe they were.
Daily Miles: 7.39
Overall Miles: 85.19
Daily Vert: 2610’
Overall Vert:27,383’
Trace: 3.5% -> 3.9%
Trails:
Castle Trail
Israel Ridge Path
Emerald Trail
Castle Ravine Trail
The Link
Emerald Bluff
Our circumstances could be much worse and a lot of our physical struggles are due to our attitudes in difficult situations.
Day Nine - 7/1/22
Today was a rollercoaster. I felt amazing for the majority of the day, but with only about a mile left of climbing, I felt really sick and my legs were so sore. I kept drinking lots of water, and eating, but I felt like I had no energy. But, I reminded myself that I had all day and as long as I kept going forward, I’d make it eventually. I’ve grown so much as a hiker since 2020. I recall back to my original trace attempt and how frustrated with myself I would be when I was going slow or not hitting 2 mph elapsed time on the northern presidential trails. I would burn myself out, and push myself way too far instead of stopping to rest, eat, or take my time. When I was in chemo, I had to slow down because of my blood counts. I would be winded extremely easily, was terribly weak, and every foot of elevation felt hard. But I knew as long as I kept going, even if I was going slow, I would make it. That’s what I do now. As much as cancer sucks, it taught me so much.
Daily Miles: 10.37
Overall Miles: 95.56
Daily Vert: 4097’
Overall Vert: 31,480’’
Trace: 3.9% -> 4.4%
Fallsway
Valley Way
Watson Path
Brookside
Sylvan Way
Inlook Trail
Brookbank
Valley Way Tentsite
Upper Bruin
Lower Bruin
Airline
Airline Cutoff
Randolph Path
Kelton
I don’t know who I would be if I hadn’t had cancer, I cannot relate to a lot of people because most people my age haven’t had to go through cancer. But I do know that despite all of the terrible, horrible things I’ve now experienced, I am far stronger mentally than I ever could become sans cancer.
The first nine days have flown by and at the same time I feel as though I have experienced a distinct slowing down since beginning this new phase of my life, for that is what this is. I sat down prior to beginning my attempt and thought a lot about what I want to get out of this, how I can use this opportunity to not only hike an exorbitant amount, but grow as a writer and as a human being. There are still so many more months left in this transformational phase, and I am genuinely grateful that I have the time to spend reflecting, writing, and reading on top of all of the hiking that I’m taking on.
