White Mountain Guide Days 10-19
As of the writing of this post, I have completed twenty-three days towards my goal and looking back at what I was feeling on days one through nine, I am a bit disappointed in myself, if I am being honest. It’s so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind, the need to go, go, go, and I’ve become more and more distracted by other things in life over the last month, which makes it hard to feel proud of myself. A lot of this journey isn’t about hiking, it’s about allowing myself time to process the past, and reflect on not only what I’ve gone through but what I hope to get out of the future. This entire journey was designed intentionally to allow me the time and space to spend an exorbitant amount of time in my own head, but here I am, it’s August 5, and I feel like I’ve lost a month to outside influences and distractions.
I don’t know if it’s possible to ever really think through all that has happened over the course of my life and find meaning and understanding amidst all of it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try. Writing is how I process and try to understand things, so when I realized that I had taken some steps backwards in my journey towards the goals I set for myself I wrote this:
You don’t have to erase those moments. They have a part to play in your story, my dear child. You have allowed everything prior to the start to shape you. And it’s natural for some of the dye to bleed into the garment you are crafting from yarn still connected to a cloth that’s worn out. It’s ok. You can make mistakes. It’s ok. You can take some steps backwards. It’s ok. As long as you continue to create something from the threads of the past. For the past is what makes you who you are, my dear thing. The past is where you learn the lesson, as many times as you have to learn it. Just don’t stop sewing.
Day Ten - 7/6/22
Today was hard. Because of the weather, I’ve had to move around some of the hikes that I have planned for July which meant today I had to tackle Daniel Webster Scout Trail. In August, 2020, I called my primary care doctor from this trail, essentially setting off the chain of events that lead to a cancer diagnosis. In the past, this trail hasn’t felt like a place that would elicit anxiety or fear in me, but I was dreading the hike from the moment I realized I was going to be doing it. There were a few times I really wanted to turn around and come back another day, but where would that get me? Nowhere. So I did what I know how to do, I persevered. Now I can move on and focus on the next hike.
Daily Miles: 7.08
Overall Miles: 102.64
Daily Vert: 3,497’
Overall Vert: 34,977’
Trace: 4.4% -> 4.7%
Trails:
Daniel Webster Scout Trail
Day Eleven - 7/7/22
What a long day. I’m exhausted. Almost 13 miles and 4300’ of climbing and the funny thing is I thought today was going to be low in terms of elevation based on the map when I was planning my hike. Boy was I wrong. It took a lot longer than I wanted today and it made me a bit disappointed in myself. Why couldn’t I go faster? Why did I feel tired and sore with a mile of climbing left? Why couldn’t I power through like a lot of people I follow online? I felt rushed because I had hoped to be done by 4 at the latest. When I realized that there was no way I was getting done by 4, I got pretty frustrated at the trail and at myself. But I know strength comes with pushing through the desire to stop pushing. It may not be today or tomorrow but I am going to be pretty darn strong one day, because I keep pushing even if it’s only at a mile and a half an hour.
Daily Miles: 12.67
Overall Miles: 115.31
Daily Vert: 4,300’
Overall Vert: 39,277’
Trace: 4.7% -> 5.3%
Summits: Adams Five
Trails:
Lowes Path
The Link
Cabin-Cascades Trail
Randolph Path
Perch Path
Israel Ridge Path
Gulfside Trail
Day Twelve - 7/8/22
It was like a switch had been flipped on that rocky path July 6. The winds whipped around me, clouds rolled in, and I should’ve been scared, I would’ve been scared normally, but something changed in me. Instead of being afraid and rushing for treeline, I sat on a pile of rocks and reflected on the trail, on the past two years, on everything that I’ve endured and overcome to get to where I am now. I felt nothing but peace and sadness. Deep, deep sadness for all that has happened. It was in that moment something changed. I realized all of those things that were scary to me before, all of the hikes that seemed too hard, or too much for me, became easy. There couldn’t be anything harder than what I had just gone through. I reached the peak and it would all be downhill from here. I’m no longer afraid. Hiking The Cornice and Caps Ridge for the first time since 2019 wasn’t intimidating, it was amazing. I sat on The Cornice and had a snack. I climbed up the rock slab on Caps Ridge and marveled at my strength. I navigated the rock fields one step at a time and went at the pace that felt comfortable to me. No, it’s not easy, I’d be lying if I said it was. Hard can be beautiful too.
Daily Miles: 5.14
Overall Miles: 120.45
Daily Vert: 2,671’
Overall Vert: 41,948’
Trace: 5.3% -> 5.5%
NEHH: 2/100
Trails:
Caps Ridge Trail
The Cornice
Jefferson Loop Trail
Gulfside Trail
Day Thirteen - 7/9/22
Today I was blown away by my body. I’ve been hiking in the presidential range for seven out of the last thirteen days and it is paying off. Hiking an out and back on Kilkenny Ridge, as well as Devil’s Hopyard, a route that I did in 2020, felt like a cake walk. And I remember how I felt in 2020 doing this exact hike. I remember feeling exhausted and not wanting to do the 500’ climb back up to Square Ledge after descending it to Mill Brook trail junction. I remember being blown away by the ruggedness of Devil’s Hopyard. And I remember that the added two miles of road walking frustrated me. Today, I cruised the road walk, rock hopped through the Devil’s Hopyard, and wasn’t phased by the climb back up to Square Ledge. Today I appreciated all of those miles in the presidentials because they are paying back tenfold.
Daily Miles: 12.46
Overall Miles: 132.61
Daily Vert: 2730’
Overall Vert: 44,678’
Trace: 5.5% -> 5.8%
Summits: Square Ledge
Trails:
Kilkenny Ridge Trail
Devil’s Hopyard
Rogers Ledge Campsite
Day Fourteen - 7/13/22
Setting off for my hike of both Baxter & Hamlin (an almost 13 mile day with roughly 4300’ of elevation gain) I won’t say that I wasn’t a bit nervous that I wouldn’t be strong enough. But as I started the climb up the slide on Saddle Trail I felt more than strong, I felt like I was the old me again. I felt like pre-cancer Rebecca and as I reached Baxter Peak it became quite evident that all of the miles I’ve done in the northern presidentials have built me into a mountain climbing machine.
I hadn’t hiked to the summit of Hamlin since 2018 when I finished the New England 67 and at that time the entirety of the hike was socked in. I was given the opportunity to see the breathtaking views from the summit of Hamlin this time, and as I gazed out at the Knife’s Edge and Baxter Peak from Hamlin’s summit I realized just how incredibly blessed I am to be alive to see this peak again.
Daily Miles: 12.82
Overall Miles: 145.73
Daily Vert: 4344’
Overall Vert: 49,022’
Summits: Baxter & Hamlin
Day Fifteen - 7/14/22
Yesterday’s hike wore me out and I’m not ashamed to say that. There were going to be thunderstorms rolling in this afternoon and the last thing I felt like doing was slogging out to North Brother and doing the bushwhack to Fort after summitting Coe and South Brother. I made the decision the night prior to this hike to only do Coe and South Brother today and complete Fort and North Brother next summer. I visit Baxter State Park every summer and there’s no reason why I can’t complete those two peaks next year.
The Coe slide was exactly as it’s described, covered in black, slimy, wet moss. Traction on said moss is near impossible. The trail meanders along the slide, avoiding most of the slime and making significant gains in elevation. Getting to the top of the slide reminded me a lot of Owl’s Head slide because you make your way up the rocks and scree and then head into the forest. The summit is not far from entering the trees and the views were phenomenal. Then, I went over to South Brother, climbed the .3 mile spur trail to the summit, and headed back down Marston Trail to my car.
Daily Miles: 8.61
Overall Miles: 154.34
Daily Vert: 3227’
Overall Vert: 52,349’
Summits: Coe & South Brother
Day Sixteen - 7/16/22
Today I was in a rough space mentally from the moment I woke up. Well, I suppose it started before that, since the nightmare that I awoke from is what elicited a hard day of hiking. There is so much to be said for attitude and how it affects you while you’re on trail and today was a prime example of how much I didn’t want to be out there hiking because I was not in a good head space. However, I ended up running into a northbound AT thru-hiker that was also struggling with the hike and we spent the majority of the day hiking together. By the end of the day, he thanked me for helping improve his day ascending a steep section of the Webster Cliff Trail, and although I’m still working through my own emotions, it felt good to give someone else a moral boost when they needed one.
Daily Miles: 9.27
Overall Miles: 163.61
Daily Vert: 3012’
Overall Vert: 55,361’
Trace: 5.8% -> 6.2%
Summits: Webster
Trails:
Pond Loop Trail
Sam Willey Trail
Saco River Trail
Webster Cliff Trail
Day Seventeen - 7/18/22
Today I did a loop that I’ve done at least three other times. It involves hiking up Garfield trail, across the Garfield Ridge, and down Gale River Trail. I knew it was going to be raining in the afternoon but hoped to complete the hike before the rain. I got almost to the roadwalk before the skies opened up. Thankfully I got a ride from a nice gentleman and didn’t have to walk the road, saving me 2 miles!
Daily Miles: 11.22
Overall Miles: 174.83
Daily Vert: 3668’
Overall Vert: 59,029’
Trace: 6.2% -> 6.9%
Summits: Garfield
NEHH: 7/100
Trails:
Garfield Trail
Garfield Ridge Trail
Garfield Tentsite
Gale River Trail
Day Eighteen - 7/20/22
I knew it would just be a matter of time before I almost cried (or did cry) while hiking and today was the day. To say that it was a hard hike would be an understatement, both physically and mentally. With humidity in the 1000% range (only a slight exaggeration) and the overall elevation being 4600+’ in 10 miles, I was spent by the time I got back to my car. I don’t do well in the heat so I intentionally slowed my pace all day, and then was forced to slow it even more trying to navigate the disaster that is the 1.3 miles of trail between Caps Ridge and Castle Trail. Then, right after I got onto Castle trail to make my final descent I fell and reopened the scar on my leg that just healed. I think the most frustrating part of the day was that I couldn’t go faster, not because I was too tired, but because the trails were a mess. You can’t go 3 mph, heck you can’t even go 2 mph when you’re trying to climb up and over entire root systems from fallen trees, or washed out trails and it’s frustrating. Regardless, I got the hike done.
Daily Miles: 10.32
Overall Miles: 185.15
Daily Vert: 4674’
Overall Vert: 63,703’
Trace: 6.9% -> 7.3%
Summits: Jefferson
Trails:
Castle Trail
The Link
Caps Ridge
Day Nineteen - 7/23/22
Today I missed winter. I missed the quiet of the woods that you can only get when the trees and trails are covered in snow. I missed the sound of it crunching under my microspikes as I descend on a solid monorail. I missed the urgency of hiking in temperatures that will freeze my water and kill my cell phone battery if I expose it to the elements. But I relished the ability to sit on the summit of Flume and feel the sun warm my skin. I relished the last day I will be 38 years old, as my birthday approaches, and I welcomed the changing of the seasons that is evident in the goldenrod that has blanketed the sides of the roads, because not all change is bad.
Daily Miles: 9.69
Daily Vert: 3705’
Overall Miles:194.84
Overall Vert: 67,408’
Trace: 7.3% -> 7.9%
NEHH: 9/100
Summits: Liberty & Flume
Trails:
Franconia Notch Recreation Path
Liberty Spring Trail
Flume Slide Trail
Franconia Ridge
Liberty Tentsite
Reading the things that I wrote on each of these ten hikes, I feel a wave of emotions. Pride, sadness, and most importantly, optimism. It wasn’t all bad, and there will be bad days, that doesn’t mean I’m not moving forward. Progress is not linear, and imagine if it was, how boring that would be, to always go forward with nothing stopping you. I hate and love that change is hard. I embrace every single moment that I am still here to live this life, even the bad. Even the hard. Even the moments when I disappoint myself. Because I am far from who I once was, and not yet who I am going to be.
