White Mountain Guide Days 91-106
Winter is relentless. It refuses to give up the ghost. Sitting on the last day of February, though, I have to say that I am more than just a little bit surprised to be entering March with only having had to move two or three winter hikes to summer. I remember with vivid recollection back in November, coming down Carr Mountain Trail thinking that I was never going to successfully make it through winter. I thought for sure this season would be the one that ended my attempt. But even with an unexpected biopsy in the middle of February, I still persevered. I went hiking while awaiting the results in spite of the fear that my cancer was back. The only way to accomplish this feat is to take it one hike at a time, period. All you really have to do is focus on getting each day done and eventually you are on day one hundred and six.
1/11/23 || White Mountains Trace Day Ninety-One ||
Today I woke up late and had to make a quick decision about which hike to do which landed me on what I (wrongly) assumed would be an easy day on Red Hill. I had been putting off this hike thinking that it would be lackluster and quickly completed - boy was I wrong. Not only was it not easy to hike this mountain twice, but there is an old hunter’s cabin on the aptly named Cabin Trail which was absolutely incredible. Inside the cabin was like walking through time (with the exception of a 10’ ladder, old lawn chair, and a sketch made by a child recently). The pocket doors that close off each of the four individual cubbies which clearly were used as bunks at one time were so neat and the massive hole next to the sink which I have no idea what it was for was also both creepy and cool. In 2006, I got my Bachelors in History and although I never used my degree I’ve always been fascinated by “old stuff” that I find in the woods. Eagle Cliff Trail on the other side of the mountain was anything but easy and despite being the longer approach to the summit was also in my opinion the harder one. Today was really, really amazing.
Daily Miles: 9.77
Daily Vert: 3196’
Overall Miles: 977.45
Overall Vert: 280,129’
Trace: 42.2% -> 42.7%
Trails:
Red Hill Trail
Cabin Trail
Teedie Trail
Eagle Cliff Trail
1/14/23 || White Mountains Trace Day Ninety-Two ||
Today I purposely woke up late because the roads were icy and I didn’t want to risk getting in an accident on the way to hiking. I had three hikes planned for the day, and have done all three before. First up was Rattlesnake Mountain Trail (Rumney, NH). This short loop is steep and the loop going counterclockwise is poorly marked. Thankfully I’ve done it before and relied on Gaia for the one spot that was above treeline and the blazes were covered by snow drifts. Second up was Stinson Mountain which was very heavily tracked. I didn’t remember that it was Saturday and there were a ton of cars in the parking lot. A snow squall blew through as I pulled up to the trailhead but it was a nice hike and I got it done fast. Finally, I had an out and back on Peaked Hill Pond Trail. This is the second time I’ve done this trail and it leaves much to be desired. Following mainly along old logging/forest roads and snowmobile trails it was heavily chewed up and surprisingly a lot of people have recently hiked it. Despite being the easiest hike in terms of elevation, it was the hardest because the trail was so chewed up from bare booters.
Daily Miles: 10.06
Daily Vert: 2870’
Overall Miles: 987.51
Overall Vert: 282,999’
Trace: 42.7% -> 43%
Trails:
Rattlesnake Mountain Trail
Stinson Pond Trail
Peaked Hill Pond Trail
1/18/23 || White Mountains Trace Day Ninety-Three ||
Today was beautiful. It was one of those really pretty overcast winter days with zero wind above treeline and a ton of rime ice. While there were no sweeping views or bluebird skies I couldn’t have asked for better conditions with the exception of the sleet that started falling at the very end of the day. I avoided the weather that blew in, though, and had the trails almost all to myself. Today reminded me of why winter hiking is so gosh darn beautiful and why I still can’t help but love it even though it is so harsh and unforgiving.
Daily Miles: 7.10
Daily Vert: 2853’
Overall Miles: 994.61
Overall Vert: 285,852’
Trace: 43% -> 43.2%
Trails:
Webster-Jackson Trail
Webster Cliff Trail
Bugle Cliff
Elephant Head
1/19/23 || White Mountains Trace Day Ninety-Four ||
Today I am exactly halfway through my trace in terms of days. Exactly seven months ago I started this and in exactly seven months I will finish. I Will Finish
Three words that feel certain even with so much more to do.
The trails were more or less hard packed and conditions were very warm for a day in January. I was even able to sit down on the summit of Jennings and have a snack without being cold. I’ve done these trails before back in 2020 on my first attempt at tracing the whites in a year and I remember vividly how cold it was, choosing not to continue to the summit of Sandwich Dome, and making one of many adjustments to my routes as I went, pushing off the hard work to the next time I would be in the area. Eventually you have to do the hard work. You can’t put it off forever. All you have to do is keep going even if that means at a crawl. Those are lessons that I’ve learned this time around. This time around I will finish this.
Daily Miles: 8.79
Daily Vert: 2906’
Overall Miles: 1003.40
Overall Vert: 288,758’
Trace: 43.2% -> 43.7%
Trails:
Sandwich Mtn. Tr
Jennings Spur
Drakes Brook Tr
1/25/23 || White Mountains Trace Day Ninety-Five ||
Today I woke up late and headed over to the Doubleheads. This short, steep hike is not to be underestimated in terms of difficulty, just because it was only 5 miles doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard. (It wasn’t that hard this time, but it was much harder in 2020.) The Ski Path was nicely tracked out by the backcountry skiers, the trail between the two peaks was only broken by skiers to a few hundred feet before the junction, and I was postholing up to my knees in snowshoes to the junction. Down Old Path I went, losing 800’ in .5 miles only to turn around and climb right back up it and head over to the summit of South Doublehead which was barely tracked by one snowshoer and a skier. The summit spur was unbroken and drifts were back to up to my knees in snowshoes for the .2 mile spur. Back to the junction with New Path which was 100% untracked since the last storm that dropped over a foot of fresh powder. I ski/hiked down in my snowshoes. It snowed for the last 90 minutes of the day and I just barely missed the start of the second snowstorm in 48 hours.
Daily Miles: 5.29
Daily Vert: 2623’
Overall Miles: 1008.69
Overall Vert: 291,381’
Trace: 43.7% -> 44%
Trails:
Doublehead Ski Trail
Old Path
New Path
South Doublehead Spur
1/27/23 || White Mountains Trace Day Ninety-Six ||
I went into the day doing what most people do, just hike the trail as its own entity, not as a string of hundreds of hikes to be completed as part of a major goal. It was beyond liberating. To hike as a way to seek joy and solitude instead of as a job. Because right now, this is my job. So many people want to hike for a living, to do the thing they love over and over again every day instead of having to work somewhere they don’t necessarily like in order to earn a living. I wanted for so long to be that person who could hike for a living and now, although no I am absolutely not making a living doing this, it is my job. What I envy in those who don’t do this for a living is the ability to rest. To be able to go to work and sit and not ask their body to perform at the level I have to ask of mine day in and day out. To be able to go to work and not have to psych themselves up in order to complete another full day performing a task that absolutely doesn’t come easy to them. And I envy the comradery, the community, because there are many times when even I, a very independent person, wishes that she had at least one other person doing the same thing she was, who got it.
Daily Miles: 6.85
Daily Vert: 1716’
Overall Miles: 1015.54
Overall Vert: 293,097’
Trace: 44% -> 44.3%
Trails:
Coppermine Trail
Loop Trail
Bald Mtn. Spur
Bald Mtn/Artist Bluff Path
1/30/23 || New England 100 Highest || Camels Hump || Day 97 ||
Today I broke with my consistent schedule of tracing and headed to Vermont to summit my 36th peak on the 100 highest list. Camels Hump is the first peak in Vermont that I have done working towards my goal, but in reality I’ve now hiked this gentle giant 3 times now. The skies were gray and clouds blanketed any views that were to be had, but with zero winds and having the whole summit to myself, I couldn’t complain. What a beautiful day to be out among the stunted trees of the alpine zone. What a wonderful day to spend outside. The 5+ hours of driving were worth it.
Daily Miles: 5.25
Daily Vert: 2304’
Overall Miles: 1020.79
Overall Vert: 295,401’
NEHH: 36/100
Summit: Camel’s Hump
2/6/23 || White Mountains Trace Day Ninety-Eight ||
What an absolutely beautiful day outside. The trails were in pristine condition, temperatures were tolerable, and there was almost no wind. Although there were also no views, I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day. After taking the last six days off, unintentionally, today felt like a reset of sorts. I have been hiking three to five days a week since last June and haven’t had more than four days off in a row in over seven months. To say that my mind and my body is worn out would be an understatement. The six days off gave me just enough time off to feel a strong desire to get back outside - it made hiking feel like fun again and not like a job. While the break was not planned, it seems as though the mountains knew I needed a break and a polar vortex moved in over the end of last week. I chose to stay home (although it was a hard decision to make) and now I am so glad I did. Looking at the calendar going forward, there is little to no room left for more than two or three days off in a row if I am to meet my goal. And somehow I have made it to February without having to move any of my winter hikes into the summertime (something that I absolutely didn’t think would be possible). Every day is a victory and this project is teaching me how to stay present like nothing else (except cancer treatment).
Daily Miles: 9.93
Daily Vert: 2948’
Overall Miles: 1030.72
Overall Vert: 298,439’
Trace: 44.3% -> 44.7%
NEHH: 38/100
Summits: North & South Hancock
Trails:
Hancock Notch Trail
Cedar Brook Trail
Hancock Loop Trail
2/9/23 || White Mountains Trace Day Ninety-Nine ||
“I’m not going to deal with tomorrow today. Today I have a mountain to hike.”
That’s what I told myself as I was driving north to do Carter Dome this morning. It wasn’t easy. Mentally, I am still in shock. I went through the motions of hiking - threw on my spikes once I hit Carter Dome Trail, snowshoes for all of Carter-Moriah and part of 19MB, and by the final few miles I was tired. Tired from holding it together mentally, tired from wearing snowshoes for hours when I’m not used to that, and tired because I didn’t sleep much last night.
I should have the results of yesterday’s biopsy by Monday at the latest but I’m not looking forward to finding out whether it’s good or bad. I just don’t want to know anymore. 100% of the biopsies I’ve had were positive for cancer in the past. Every time my surgeon said, “there’s less than a 10% chance of…or…it’s highly unlikely that…” she has been wrong. I don’t want fake positivity. I don’t trust the stats, the stats seem to never be in my favor. If I’m honest, I just want to be left alone. I don’t want to talk on the phone with my surgeon, just send me the results (good or bad) through my Echart and let me take the next step on my own if necessary. I hate cancer and I hate that this is happening and I hate that there is no cure.
Daily Miles: 10.23
Daily Vert: 3490’
Overall Miles: 1040.95
Overall Vert: 301,839’
Trace: 44.7% -> 45%
Trails:
Carter Dome Trail
Carter-Moriah Trail
19MB
2/10/23 || White Mountains Trace Day 100 ||
DAY 100 and I cannot believe that I am here. It feels surreal. It feels like a dream. And thinking back to the first few days on this journey back in June, I couldn't imagine day 10 let alone day 100. Those first few days felt so hard and so scary. I didn’t feel strong at all and every hike was hard to get through both physically and mentally. Now, the anticipation of the hike precedes a subconscious ability to take one step after another, adjusting my speed as needed. I no longer have to think about it, it just kind of happens on its own. Looking back to the beginning of winter, not very long ago, I was scared. I was scared that I wouldn’t be strong enough. I was scared that I wouldn’t be determined enough. Most of all, I was scared that we would have a horrible winter with tons of snowstorms and I would have to move most of my hikes to summer. Fear can’t change the weather. There are times when we should be afraid, when we need to listen to that little voice inside ourselves that tells us to turn around, or not go hiking to begin with. In those moments I lean into my fear, wrap my arms around it and allow it to guide me to safety. But the rest of the time, I ignore it. I tell it to go away. I’ve spent my entire life living with fear because of my panic disorder. Fear and I have been dancing together for thirty years straight. The more time I spend analyzing it, analyzing what causes me to be afraid, when fear is necessary and when it is a liar, the better I become at navigating life. Day 100, I let myself be something that I rarely allow, to not be afraid. To feel at peace. To believe the voice inside of me that said it’s not cancer. Fear, on day 100, was a liar, and my biopsy results proved it wrong. I didn’t celebrate my 100th day hiking nor did I celebrate my clear biopsy results. I filed the experience away, and reflected on how I could handle it better in the future. Because I still have a future. I am still hiking. I am still cancer free.
Daily Miles: 3.02
Daily Vert: 1132’
Overall Miles: 1043.97
Overall Vert: 302,971’
Trace: 45% -> 45.2%
Trails:
Old Jackson Rd
Crew Cut
Liebeskinds Loop
Lila’s Ledge
George’s Gorge Tr
2/13/23 || White Mountains Trace Day One Hundred and One ||
Today was absolutely gorgeous and blissfully uneventful. Trails were in great shape (I wore my snowshoes only for the section of trail between the Imp Trail junction with North Carter Trail and the summit of Imp Face), there was no wind, and temperatures were just cool enough to keep the snow hard even though the sun was shining bright all day. The North Carter trail continues to be in need of brushing and some of Imp Face could stand for some brushing, too. Despite getting thwacked in the face with branches for the mile long ascent on North Carter, it was really nice to revisit this section of trails. Perhaps I should revisit them again in the summer to remind me of how it feels to not be walking into branches.
Daily Miles: 9.15
Daily Vert: 3436’
Overall Miles: 1053.12
Overall Vert: 306,407’
Trace: 45.2% -> 45.7%
Trails:
North Carter Trail
Imp Face
2/15/23 || White Mountains Trace Day One Hundred and Two ||
Today was beautiful. The weather was warm, skies were bright for most of the day, and the trails were hard packed. I even went the entire day without any traction! Carter-Moriah Trail and Stony Brook are the last two trails that I will be doing in the Carter area until summer. It felt really great to get this hike done and to not have to wear snowshoes. The last three hikes, though, I’ve felt really bad about how slow I go when hiking. It’s something that I am really self-conscious about and makes me feel like I am not worthy of the attempt that I’m tackling. Who am I to think that I am good enough? That’s what I think almost every single time I go hiking.
There are those of us who are naturally active, and there are those of us who aren’t. My whole life, I’ve wanted so badly to be in the former category, and yet I am not. I am not naturally athletic, period. It takes a lot of effort for me to get these hikes done. It doesn’t come naturally to me, and it is absolutely not my go-to lifestyle to be doing some form of cardio every other day.
I can’t stress this enough. I am not an athlete, am far from skinny, and am just trying to get each hike done. That’s it. On days when I feel down on myself for being slow, it’s hard to feel proud that I did the hike. But I did the hike, and although I am constantly amazed by my own physical abilities (just doing any of these hikes is something I never imagined I could do), I hike because I like to be outside. I don’t try to set speed records and I don’t try to do major physical endeavors (all my hikes are planned to be realistically things I can do). I just like to be outside and be in nature. That’s why I hike.
Daily Miles: 12.49
Daily Vert: 3679’
Overall Miles: 1065.61
Overall Vert: 310,086’
Trace: 45.7% -> 46.3%
NEHH: 39/100
Summits: Moriah
Trails:
Stony Brook Trail
Carter-Moriah Trail
Moriah Summit Spur
2/18/23 || White Mountains Trace Day One Hundred and Three ||
Today was hard and beautiful and encouraging and everything that I needed. This was the first time that I’ve hiked Lonesome Lake Trail since 2021, when I was still in active treatment. Revisiting these trails after all this time is humbling. While I didn’t feel like the strongest person in the world, I absolutely felt stronger than the last time I hiked the Lonesome Lake Trail. Re-hiking over the Cannon Balls reminded me of my first tracing attempt in the winter of 2020. I don’t remember them being quite as frustrating last time, but I wasn’t carrying an extra four pounds of weight on my back in 2020. Every time I visit this area of The Whites I’m reminded of so many memories. Thinking it was totally doable to hike both the Kinsmans and Cannon back in 2016, my first year hiking, (grossly underestimating just how hard the trails were) and hiking up Hi-Cannon Trail later that year, in fall, and being blown away by the fact that there was a ladder that I had to hike up to on the trail. There are so many memories scattered among these trails and with every hike that I do, I add to the memories. These mountains and the trails are where I have found myself. They are truly home away from home.
Daily Miles: 9.71
Daily Vert: 3933’
Overall Miles: 1075.32
Overall Vert: 314,019’
Trace: 46.3% -> 46.8%
NEHH: 40/100
Summit: NE Cannon Ball
Trails:
Lonesome Lake Trail
Around Lonesome Lake Trail
Kinsman Ridge Trail
Fishing Jimmy Trail
2/20/23 || White Mountains Trace Day One Hundred and Four ||
Today was not the hike that I originally planned. I was going to do Osseo Trail but decided that I wanted to do a more complicated hike so I opted to do some of the trails in Crawford Notch instead. Arethusa Falls, Bemis Brook, and Frankenstein Cliff were the order of the day and with cloudy skies and a gentle mist falling, I started the ascent from the trailhead. I brought my snowshoes with the assumption that Arethusa-Ripley Falls Trail wouldn’t be broken out at all. I was unpleasantly surprised that someone had post holed the entire 1.1 miles of trail. It doesn’t sound like much, but over that stretch of trail I had to widen my steps to match those of whoever destroyed the trail, in post holes that were up to my knees or higher in some spots. But, despite the trail conditions, I really enjoyed revisiting this area again for the fifth(?) time. Arethusa Falls was a place that my husband and I visited way back 2008(?) and seeing it always reminds me of him.
Daily Miles: 5.72
Daily Vert: 1940’
Overall Miles: 1081.04
Overall Vert: 315,959’
Trace: 46.8% -> 47.2%
Trails:
Bemis Brook Trail
Arethusa Falls Trail
Arethusa-Ripley Falls Trail
Frankenstein Cliff Trail
2/22/23 || White Mountains Trace Day One Hundred and Five ||
Three separate hikes today and one carspot. I have been waiting to do the Franconia Recreation Path because I didn’t want to have to do it as an out and back and today was the perfect day to do the majority of it. After completing the stretch of trail from Skookumchuck to Lafayette Place parking lot, I headed over to Mount Pemigewasset to hike both trails on that and closed out the day doing Georgiana Falls. The trails were a mixed bag, from ice to snow to pavement covered in a dusting. Mount Pemigewasset was the first hike I did since childhood. In 2008, I decided that I wanted to go hiking one day and my husband and I headed up this peak, totally clueless about if we were even hiking the right mountain. It was on this hike that I discovered just how out of shape I really was. It was this hike that set me on a path to getting into shape, losing 35 pounds, and ultimately opened my eyes to the world of exercise. I had spent my entire life up to this point exercising off and on, only doing cardio, in the hopes of losing weight. After this hike, I realized that I was weak and that hiking was a lot harder than I remembered it being as a child. Red faced and having to take frequent rests along the 1.8 mile trail to the summit, I felt mortified that I couldn’t power up the mountain. I was so ashamed of myself. It was at that moment that I was determined to get in shape and lose weight (which I did). In 2015, after spending the better part of seven years yo-yo dieting and slowly gaining back 20 of the 35 pounds I had lost, I went on my first solo hike and fell in love with hiking. It wasn’t until 2015 that I realized there is a difference between skinny and strong. Since that day, I’ve chosen strong.
Daily Miles: 12.76
Daily Vert: 2970’
Overall Miles: 1093.80
Overall Vert: 318,929’
Trace: 47.2% -> 47.8%
Trails:
Franconia Notch Recreation Path
Georgiana Falls Path
Indian Head Trail
Mount Pemigewasset Trail
2/27/23 || New England 100 Highest || Stratton Mountain
Today was gorgeous and strange. Hiking up a ski trail while there are skiers going down feels bizarre. I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb all day. It was really hard to find that place on the trails where I can let out a huge breath and just exist without being bombarded with the invisible energy that pours into me when I’m around other people. There were so many people on the ski trails and the energy was so unlike what I find on hiking trails that although the final .7 miles were in the woods off the ski trails, I came down the mountain feeling like I wasn’t recharged at all. That usual contentment that I feel when finishing a hike just wasn’t there today. But sometimes you need to be reminded of what the trails offer by experiencing the opposite.
Daily Miles: 5.82
Daily Vert: 1900’
Overall Miles: 1099.62
Overall Vert: 320,829’
NEHH: 41/100
Summit: Stratton
