Week Five & Six of Herceptin Chemotherapy
Today is day six of my fifth round of Herceptin-only chemotherapy and I feel comfortable now with writing up a reflection on how only receiving Herceptin affects me. I had my last dose of radiation on March 8, five and a half weeks ago, and I have to assume that the residual effects of the radiation are now out of my system and all of the side effects that I experienced over the past week are only due to Herceptin.
It’s a bit frustrating not knowing what my blood counts are, I haven’t had a blood draw since March 17, almost a month ago now, and I won’t have another blood draw until May 20. My Oncologist stated that she is fine with going nine weeks without checking my counts because they have gone up consistently since stopping Taxol on January 7, but I wish I knew what they were because I want to know if they’re back to normal yet.
Getting Herceptin once every three weeks is strange. I am used to getting weekly chemotherapy, where you never fully recover, and always feel a bit foggy and tired. Now, the difference between “chemo Rebecca” and “regular Rebecca” is very notable and I don’t like it. I don’t like chemo in general but I hate how obvious the difference is now after I get chemotherapy.
Today is the sixth day since my infusion and I can still feel the fogginess sitting in my brain. Everyone reacts differently to chemotherapy, (one person messaged me on social media saying they had terrible bone and joint pain on Taxol, where I didn’t) and for me the chemotherapy kills my brain. I need my brain to do school and to function in life. It’s really frustrating. I feel like I’m living in a fog for a week (at least) and the only reason I know that I’m living in a fog is now I can compare what I feel like on my good weeks to my bad.
The first two days after Herceptin I felt a bit tired but not too bad. But on days four and five (and currently day six) I feel like I am living in a fog. Getting up and going is hard, and I just don’t have any motivation to do anything beyond laying in bed. Everything feels harder, especially using my brain. My husband keeps telling me that I know this is going to happen so I shouldn’t be surprised when I feel like crap once every three weeks, but I keep thinking that I shouldn’t feel anything different, that it’s just Herceptin (only a milder chemotherapy) and “low risk hazardous agent.” I get really frustrated at myself when I don’t feel normal. I feel like I am weak and pathetic for not feeling “normal” during the week after Herceptin. I don’t feel like the chemo is an excuse to be weaker or feel sick, like I’m just being a big baby for feeling different after the infusion.
I feel physically weaker, too. I went for a hike yesterday, (well four hikes technically) and the final one was a really steep climb (700’ in under a mile). Normally that would be a normal type of hike for me, and I would be able to complete the climb without feeling super fatigued on the uphill. Yesterday, though, I had to keep taking breaks and felt super weak. I know that I’m not in that bad of shape, that feeling that winded isn’t normal and it’s because of treatment. Herceptin does impact blood counts to a certain extent, and I know that I won’t be at normal counts until well after finishing chemo in October, but it’s really frustrating when my lungs don’t feel normal.
But if I’ve learned anything throughout this whole situation it’s that the only way to feel better is to push through the fog. The only thing that will clear my mind is movement and time. So I keep moving. I keep using my brain even when it’s tired and it feels like a struggle to do anything. I keep moving forward because that’s the only choice I have.
Week Six of Herceptin Update
Since my last post, on April 14, I’ve had one more round of Herceptin (I’ve had six now and will likely have nine more). I’m finally beginning to get into the routine of having treatment once every three weeks. I can identify some of the side effects that I experience on just Herceptin. Next week when I get round seven I will also get a blood draw for the first time in nine weeks. I’m very excited to see where my counts are at. A week and a half ago I reached 120 days since my last round of Taxol. My Oncologist told me that it takes 120 days for blood cells to multiply, so when I get my bloodwork in a week my counts should be around normal.
Some of the side effects that I’ve experienced on Herceptin are a loss of appetite for the week following treatment, tiredness, and brain fog. The brain fog continues to worry my husband to the point where last round he said that he almost wants me to stop further treatment. I contacted my Oncologist who then referred me to a neurologist in Boston. My appointment isn’t until late August, so in the meantime I will continue treatment. I can feel a difference in my clarity of mind during the week following Herceptin. Whether that’s a trauma response to treatment or legitimate side effect is unclear to me.
I know it can take up to a year before you recover fully from chemo. But I want to believe that it won’t take me a year to recover. Every time I get treatment I am surprised that I’m tired and foggy for a few days, even though I’ve gone through this six times before. I want to believe that Herceptin only treatment isn’t treatment at all. That it’s nothing. But it is something.
