Week Ten of Chemotherapy
This round of chemotherapy I finally have started to notice a significant difference in how much energy I have. The week started off with an extra day in my previous chemo cycle and despite getting that extra day, I was still feeling pretty worn down the day of treatment. Christmas eve, when most people were traveling or preparing for the holiday, I was getting pumped full of toxic chemicals and sitting for the usual four+ hour long session at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. The best part of treatment day is that I am forced to sit in one place for almost four straight hours, which means that I have no choice but to focus on writing and organizing my life. I have come to love the weekly visit with my mom, as well, since she gives me rides to and from treatment, and I’m secretly relishing the idea of her continuing to drive me to treatment at least for the first Herceptin only appointment in a few weeks.
Christmas day, which was the day after treatment, I started noticing the pre meds wearing off pretty early in the day, and I once again settled into the usual routine of having little to no energy and napping often. Thankfully I was able to get through opening presents before completely crashing for the next two days. As much as I hate how I feel on the “yucky days,” I’ve gotten into such a routine that at least I know what to expect, even if I absolutely hate how I feel during the worst of the days. By Sunday, I was sick of laying around and feeling awful so I forced myself to get up and get moving a bit. The longer I go through treatment, the more my “yucky days” seem to seep into the less yucky days, unfortunately.
I’ve continued to keep my commitment to myself to do some form of exercise five days a week, and hike one mountain per week but it has gotten tougher and tougher to keep up any sort of cardio, especially the last three weeks of treatment. I got on the treadmill and just walked for twenty minutes on Sunday because that was all I could handle. It amazes me that I could do twelve to fifteen mile hikes day after day just a few months ago, and now I can barely stand doing a one mile walk on the treadmill.
By Monday I somehow woke up with just an inkling of a desire to attempt to climb a mountain and I’ve learned that if I have even the slightest desire to hike, I must seize that and do it, so Monday I climbed Piper Mountain. It wasn’t easy, and I felt like I was moving at a snail’s pace, but I kept telling myself that as long as I keep making forward progress I’ll get to the top eventually and I was right. Once at the top, I just continued on the same loop that I did last time I hiked and within two hours I was done a 3.2 mile loop. This hike really solidified that I am indeed much weaker than I have ever been.
Today, the day before chemo (because I go a day early again this cycle) my brain feels much clearer and I am thankful that I have even just one day of clarity of mind in order to do some writing. It still takes me longer to get my brain and body going in the morning, even on my good days, but I’ve found that if I am willing to push through the fog I will come out of it sooner. Tomorrow I have my second to last round of chemotherapy and although today it feels like two more rounds is nothing and I’m in the home stretch, I know on my yucky days I will be praying for no more rounds to be administered.
The last two weeks of treatment I have noticed a marked difference in both my physical strength and number of good days. In the past two weeks, they’ve both decreased substantially and I’m very thankful that I am coming to the end of this part of my treatment plan. It seems like I have hours, not days, where I’m a semi-functioning human being now and even simple tasks like picking up around the house seem to make me winded.
My side effects have become much more annoying too in the past week especially, and I have non stop hot flashes all night long which makes sleeping very difficult. I’ve also noticed a real significant loss of taste in the past week, which is more annoying than anything, and despite taking Pepcid nightly I still always have heartburn. My nose is also continuously dry and bloody all night long and I find that I have to get up and blow it in the middle of the night just to clear a passage so I can breathe well because there is so much dried blood in it. I have to say I’m pretty lucky in the way of side effects, though, and besides being annoying and inconvenient, I feel that my side effects have been pretty mild (besides the tiredness and chemo brain).
After the next two weeks, I will be getting Herceptin only and then starting radiation treatment as well. I’m curious to see how many of my side effects go away once I am doing Herceptin only and I’m really hoping that the first to go is the hot flashes because they have been just plain terrible. I know that radiation has its own side effects, and that Herceptin is still a “toxic chemical” so the next two months especially won’t be a breeze, but after enduring twelve straight weeks of chemotherapy I’m looking forward to my blood counts going back up and having energy again.
